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Mama Deb
mamadeb
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Mama Deb [userpic]
I'm scared

I am seriously getting scared. It's taken me two days to even start working on a resume. Yesterday, when I should have been making chicken soup and doing more menu stuff, I spent the entire day doing nothing. I didn't shower until around 6PM, I didn't leave the house until 7 (when I had my first real meal since breakfast - wonton soup and an eggroll) and, well, dinner was leftovers plus noodles, and I didn't start cooking the noodles until jonbaker called from a taxi.

I don't go to synagogue. I don't go to my parshah shiur (and everyone apparenlty misses me. I don't know.) I barely have guests for yom tov - Jonathan wants to ask people if we can join THEM for Friday night. I read, I sleep, i surf the web and I write.

At least I'm writing. That's a good thing, right? And I'm doing the secretary stuff for the shul board and I'm DOING that, so that's also good. But I'm not even knitting right now.

I see ads for decent jobs and DO NOTHING - I freeze and my stomach hurts.

It's been over a year.

jonbaker asked if he should ask his old therapist if she had a slot.

I told him "Yes." Because I know this feeling. I remember entire weeks spent doing nothing, cooking endless chicken legs and broccoli for dinner.

Because it would feel so good to just let go and let things happen, and I don't want that again.

Comments

Hugs, I'm back in Brooklyn all the time, please tell me if you'd like to catch lunch sometime and talk. I am here for you, as you were there for me.

I wish I was wise enough for some good advice, but I can listen to you.

HUGS! Thank you, sweetheart. I might do that. I'd love to see you again anyway.

Hugs, I'd be honored to, after the Yom Tovim I will be free to visit more freely.

Not great for advice, but I can do a cyber hug.

I'll always take those! [[hugs]]

It does indeed sound like depression. I wish you much healing, and I'm very glad you're planning to go into therapy.

Hey. *hugs*

Sounds like therapy's definitely a good call at this point.

Also sending a hug. It's also the season for Seasonal Affective Disorder - shortening day, etc.

That, thank goodness, is not among my constellation of major and minor disorders. I LOVE this time of year.

But hugs? I'll take them.

This sounds far too familiar to me :-(.

I hope the therapist visit starts an upward spiral of greater coping-ness...

I hope she calls back. :)

It's all too common, isn't it?

I know these feelings. I have no advice, but I offer you hugs and I hope that you know I'm here for you.

HUGS, sweetie. Those help a lot.

*hugs*

::hugs::

uff. I just saw this. best of luck finding a therapist.

As you can see in later updates, I'm doing my best.

So far, I've gotten two people who can't - one treated Jonathan and one turned out to be someone I've known for many years.

*snugs* may you feel better soon. Pulling oneself out of this kind of funk is hard. May you find the help you need and do so.