I should be crying for Anya. She deserves tears. She deserves everything because she *wasn't* a champion or a hero or Chosen. She's just a former demon who is still very young at being human. Was. Young. Even at 1000 years old. And she died with more honor and grace than. Well.
I should be crying. I'm numb.
I'm numb about Spike and about Buffy, and. I'm numb.
When it comes to Buffy, I'm numb. And I wonder when I stopped caring.
Smallville kept me bouncing around the room with the tension and hurt, and the layers and layers of lies and hopes and hopeful lies. And when Helen showed up...and how...what happened to the pilot? And Lionel is magnificent, isn't he?
And Clark is beautiful and he's acting exactly as a seventeen year old who believes his father hates him would act. Complete with the only drug that works on him.
And all the babyfic gone to Jossage. And poor Martha. God, how I hurt for Martha, who may have lost both her children. But Clark doesn't think that way because he's seventeen.
And Lex. And Chloe, also acting as a hurt child would act, and damn Lionel for using that.
But there's Pete for loyalty.
And Lana for selfishness.
And I know this isn't coherent at all.
I want Lex to find Clark and...I don't know. Help each other.