April 22nd, 2008

Mama Deb

My pants?

Are bankrupt.

Anything interesting happen since Friday?

The first few days of my Passover have gone well. We had a wonderful seder the first night - I really love our fannish s'dorim. We joke and are silly and it's a lot of fun. The second night, I had a cold, but fortunately, we only had three guests (our others never showed), and those were a friend and my folks. My stepfather read the four questions, and did a good job. We were proud. My mother glowed.

The cold was better by yesterday and, on the burn front, my burned front is doing very well indeed. Silvadene. It's miraculous.
Mama Deb

*That* Post

This one, here.

Yeah, about how wonderful it would be if men could ask women if they can grope them in public.

(Oh, later, he says that more women than men participated in the groping as well as the being groped, and that there was reciprocity available (to a degree), but the original post? Makes no mention of either of those. Just how healing it is for a guy to finally be allowed to grope a random woman's breast, just as he couldn't do in high school!)

This was a small event - other people attending the same convention had no idea it was going on.

And it makes me cringe. Please note: I have few worries that any stranger is going to come to me to ask to fondle my breasts. There's the modesty thing. And the apple-like figure. And the fact that I'm middle-aged. I'm a billboard for "Don't touch." (And yet, I've been randomly hugged, unasked, at conventions. Not a pleasant experience.)

But that's not important - a young woman with large breasts who chooses to wear revealing clothing still has the right to not be pressured into this situation. And there will be pressure. Social pressure is one of the strongest things we have - it's what keeps consumerism going. And women are pressured to be compliant, too. Or you're a prude. Or a bad sport.

In this case, there seemed to be no problems - it was small and self-selecting and well-policed. Women who took part spoke up in favor. Even so, he's focused on the assets, not the person. And there seemed to be women coming to him for validation that their breasts were good enough.

If this sort of thing took place in a home or a private party with the rules spelled out loudly everywhere, I would not have the slightest problems with it. It still feels like objectification, but in a private party, presumably that would be their choice. I'd also hope there would be full reciprocity involved.

What worries me, though, is not *just* the potential triggers or the fact that it's inherently unequal. It's the potential for abuse - yes, these were, apparently, tiny and well-controlled events.

It's that theferrett has a huge following, and there will be people who see this and think, "cool!" and try to make them larger events at conventions - too large to be ignored. It's out. It can't be put back.

And this will make some conventions very hostile places for many women. And it will also open those conventions up to litigation. And that worries me even more than that it exists at all.