I just had a discussion with my mother-in-law about seder menus. Most of it is fine. She's even going to at least leave her oven on so she doesn't have to start a new flame when she cooks for the second night.
But. She's going to use the microwave to make asparagus the second night. I *love* asparagus, even the thick stalks she prefers. And I don't think we can eat it. I'm not sure, and we'll have to figure it out, but I don't think we can eat it. And she'll notice. It's not like, say, the cheese dishes at a family potluck when we're the only ones who care about kosher cheese. Those are buffets and there are usually plenty of other dishes and no one notices what we don't eat. This will be the only vegetable with the entree that night. (There will also be salad and vegetable soup.)
I'd suggested serving it cold in a marinade. I'd suggested steaming it on top of the stove.
"No. I use the microwave on yom tov, and I don't see any need to change that at this point."
She doesn't understand that if she cooks food in an improper way, it makes the food inedible. That just because she does it this way doesn't make it correct, and that it's NOT just a difference in customs. And I don't want to make her upset. There's such a thing as shalom bayit, peace in the home, and I'm trying to use that as a watchword - not shuddering when they turn lights on and off, or retire to watch television. It's their house and what they do, they do. Which is why I find it uncomfortable spending a yom tov or a Shabbat there, but they're expecting us this year because it's a two-day yom tov and my husband likes to be there.
Personally, I love my own s'dorim. Next year...