But. [Bad username: mctabby"] had this Suckathon. And I signed up.
So. Here it is. Not even bad enough to be good.
Title: Where it keeps its brain
Summary: Have you ever wondered why Molly and Arthur Weasley have so many children? The answer lies in a terrifying event that occured on their wedding night...
Summary written by: slyth_pansy
"Oh, Arthur! I am so happy we got married today!!" Molly said.
"Oh, Molly, so am I! Now I must carry you over the threshold so that our Marriage will be Lucky!" And Arthur picked her up in her long white gown with lace and beads and the long white veil because she was just married and not fat yet. And he carried her over the threshold and put her down on the bed.
"I got us the best honeymoon in the hotel in Majorca, Molly. So we will have the best honeymoon ever because we are married now."'
"And look Arthur. Someone has put out champagne for us." Molly pointed to the big green bottle and the glasses next to the mirror and the ice bucket on the dresser. "Pour us a drink."
And the bottle said, "Yes. You must drink me because I am magical champagne and it is your honeymoon."
So Arthur got up from the bed and he opened the bottle with his wand and he poured the drinks and he brought the glass to Molly, and the bottle said, "Yes. Drink me up. Drink me all up. I am a perfectly safe bottle of champagne."
So they drank the bottle up, and then they consumated their wedding and then Arthur couldn't breathe and Molly, who was naked because they just consumated, ran to the fire and called for help. She was so scared because Arthur was turning blue and not breathing and she didn't want to be a widow.
And then the Healers came and Molly had to get back in her wedding gown because they were so in love they forgot the luggage and they went to St. Mungos, where the Healers worked and worked and then they made Arthur awake again, but he was very sick. Molly wasn't sick even though she drank the same champagne so she asked the Healers why.
And the Healer said to Molly that he had very bad news. That was a hexed bottle of champagne made by You Know Who and they shouldn't have listened to it. He could take off the hex but they had to have a girl to make it work.
And Molly said, "But what about my career?"
And the Healer said, "You have to keep having babies until you get a girl."
Molly told Arthur this and Arthur said that was all right and he didn't care if they had seven kids. So they did, until they had Ginny.