Mama Deb (mamadeb) wrote,
Mama Deb

Sunshowers, rainbows and meds

Tuesday night was yet another meeting of the Congregation B'nai Jacob board. This is the synagogue I no longer attend because it's now way out of walking distance and we like our new one better. But we are still members of both it and its board of Trustees.

I had two and a half hours between the end of work and the meeting. I work only a couple of blocks away from the synagogue, but I was hungry and there are no kosher restaurants in that neighborhood. So, I bought Sandman VI and took a subway a couple of stops and had some Chinese food, most of which I left behind. I think the meds are decreasing my appetite.

And then. I had some time to kill, so I went to a little Judaica shop and looked around and got a couple of books. As I left at 6:50PM on that bright and windy May day, to walk to the elevated structure that is a subway platform in that part of town, it began to rain.

I love sunshowers. I love the name itself, I love the quality the light gets, I love the dissonance between the light rain and the sun in the sky. Sunshowers make me happy, and so I laughed. Out loud. I got stares, but that's okay. And then I climbed the stairs to the platform (later, I would climb stairs to reach street level. Traveling by subway can be a road that goes uphill both ways. Or downhill.)

That platform carries some hard memories. We used to be able to see the Towers there, dominating the skyline, and then, one week last autumn, we saw a plume of smoke and ash stretching over our neighborhood. Now it's just empty looking.

But I looked in a different direction. And I saw a rainbow. A complete arc, with a shadowing secondary one. It was beautiful. I fumbled through my purse looking for a prayerbook but ended up saying the blessing more or less in English - thanking HaShem for the sign of His covenant that the world will never again be destroyed by water.

And then, I needed to say something more, something to express the joy I felt at that moment. Luckily, there's a blessing for that, too, a blessing I will make tonight and tomorrow night for the holiday of Shavuot when I light my candles. So, I said that, too, thanking HaShem for allowing me to see this at that time and place. And then I went to the meeting and it was long and unpleasant, and later on we went to a Thai restaurant with two friends and I ate nothing. Again.

And I'm still feeling upset. I'm going to wean my way onto glucophage. I have no choice.

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