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Mama Deb
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Mama Deb [userpic]

Okay. I'm confused. How come the fact that I can't keep my kitchen clean means I shouldn't own a house, but I should adopt a child?

Does this make any sense at all?



It's my mother-in-law. She has decided that, while we should indeed own our own home, it should be an apartment - a co-op or that rare beast, the condo - instead of a house. This is because I am a poor housekeeper. Which is true. This therefore proveswe are not responsible enough for home-ownership. Also, if we own a house, Jonathan will have to give up many of his religious classes (none of which cost us anything) because he'll have to spend his evenings taking care of the house. Which is odd because most of the men he learns with own houses.

However, she also spent much of the last phone call telling me how lovely her cousin's adopted daughter is, and how smart and active and cute and well-adjusted and, unspoken, was "You should adopt a child soon, too. See how wonderful it is?"

So, apparently, I'm okay to take responsibility for a *child* but not for a house.

Ah. Which is nutty.

I suppose a child would put a temorary crimp in religious classes much more than a house would...

Of course you can eventually take the theoretical child to class and you can't take the house.

I don't know what to say, but I think she will turn out to be happy if you buy a house or get a child.

Pfui. If anybody is entitled to decide whether you are responsible enough to own a house, it's you; the only people who might have a say with regard to adopting children are the folks who screen prospective parents.

'Cause, you see, if it were me, I would have already said "thank you for your opinion" and be working on the blistering response for when the next set of worthless dumping came my way. But I'm not known for being nice.

*boggle* Ok, sometimes people are just weird.

If it's important to you, you'll make it work -- whether "it" is a spotless kitchen, a kid, a home of your own, or whatever. People undervalue the concept of "good enough" sometimes.

Personally, I think you should definately buy a house, because it's a great investment, and you can turn the space into your own.

And I think that you should adopt a child if you want to adopt a child.

I do want to adopt a child. But I don't understand how one can be too irresponsible for a house and yet responsible enough to raise a child.

All I can guess is that childraising and house cleaning are different skill sets? It is an odd idea.

I can see many cases where one's lifestyle precludes owning a house, but parenting works.

But, uh, yeah, somebody's offering some bad advice.

On the other hand, Cat and I are not what you would call tidy, cleaning people, and the condo is still standing...

(no subject) - (Anonymous)   Expand  

Housekeeping and kidkeeping are different skill sets for sure. You and I know one of the poorest housekeepers in humanity, and her kid -- who is now an adult pretty much -- is just fine.

I think your M-I-L probably means well, but is just a bit off-base here in her communication skills.

After all, I have seen kids with parents who are great at housekeeping (I have this one cousin and his wife who have a home that is so spotless as to be almost antiseptic; in his mother's home, you could practically eat off the floor), and their kids are totally neurotic, compulsive, and have problems I wouldn't want any kid to have.

You've seen my house... You've seen my kid... 'Nuff said. :-)

heh heh. If I hadn't met your kid and seen your house, I could have read that the absolute wrong way! Fortunately, your kid is a dear. And, hey! Your living room is CLEAN right now!

I figured it was clear from context, but you may be right. Yes, the living room is clean now (thanks, Harold!!!!), and we're trying really hard to keep it that way... but whether or not my house is clean should have no bearing on my ability to raise my child. Remember, "Merciless Discipline".

This is true. And I was thinking about that. Of course, I'd be lucky to get a kid as great as Aaron.

Not really anything new to add, as I agree with pretty much everything everybody's said.

Except that I am a lousy housekeeper, and my kitchen is a perpetual minor disaster, yet I have a house. More house than I need, really, but I fell in love with it. And it doesn't show any signs of falling down because I don't keep a spotless kitchen.

Myself, I'd think a messy kitchen would count more against you re: adopting a kid than re: buying a house. I can see the Social Worker doing the review frowning and muttering about germs.... except that it sounds like your kitchen is clean-but-cluttered, which isn't the same thing at all.

That's the thing. 30 minutes work will take care of the mountain of plastic bags and clear off the counters. Another 15 will wash the surfaces. And maybe 10 to get the stuff out of the fridge. It's that I'm too lazy to do that.

The rest of it is clutter. And that clutter is 90% books. We have at least 1.5 Bryants. And God alone knows how many comic books.