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Mama Deb
mamadeb
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December 2010
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Mama Deb [userpic]

We've become friends with a younger couple in our synagogue. Sort of. He's in his thirties and while not a Fan, definitely has a fannish mind. He reads Pratchett and comics and can talk movies and gets (and makes) the bad jokes. He also reads Anthony, but tastes are tastes, you know?

She's...very sweet. And not stupid. And a wonderful cook. But. All the books were his. All the movies were his. All the games were his. We played Fluxx this afternoon at their house, and she...left to take care of the baby, and let her husband finish the game. It was his first time playing Fluxx, too. (Fluxx, for those who don't know, is a card game where the rules change as you play it. It's lots of fun.) And - she didn't get the jokes.

I remember having a conversation with her when they came to us for a Shabbos lunch. And she was confused when I said I didn't wear make-up because I was too lazy to do that. And I'm not sure why.

Most of my friends, both RL and here, are fannish and/or very bright. I can do more than talk about recipes.

And she isn't stupid. But I can't connect with her at all.

Comments

I know fans, true. I suppose, perhaps, I've never gotten a handle on what being a "fan" really is, in that sense of the word, anyway. I mean, I'm a fan of many things, but I don't think most people classify me as "a fan" in your sense of the word. Though I have at least one friend who calls me a closet fan/closet freak (she's a certified fan/freak herself). But I get your point about being able to talk to me.

Many fans are unapproachably weird to me, by the way. I flock toward the ones that are more socially ept, so to speak. And I know that's coming out badly, and I don't mean it to.

I think your issue with this woman isn't that she can't relate on a "fan" level, but rather that she seems to have little to relate to at all, on any level. It's difficult to talk to someone who doesn't appear to have any interests or any focus. Perhaps underneath her bland exterior she has a deep-rooted passion for weaving or basketball or um, something?

I know a lot of fans are poorly socialized. It's one of the problems we have both in and out of fandom - and the poorly socialized ones realize it. They just can't figure how to do it.

I know that I can communicate with 90% of the fen out there. I'm less comfortable with non-fen. And, honestly, with less bright people. Fen, for all their problems, tend to the brighter side of the curve.