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Mama Deb
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Mama Deb [userpic]

Okay, you have to know this. I *hate* cutsey-poo things. I really do.

And this, to me, is really cutsey-poo. I know some of you will disagree, and maybe think it's lovely. I just. Ick.

My brother-in-law's future sister-in-law just sent us a square of fabric to decorate to be part of a personalized chuppah (wedding canopy.) She thinks it'll be great because she had a girlfriend who did this.

And - my goodness. How *twee.*

And, well. We were hoping they'd use the same chuppah we did.

Their grandfather's tallis. You know. Family. Continuity. Tradition - something that will be sadly missing from this wedding otherwise. We haven't suggested it, of course.

It *is* their wedding and they have the right to decide what to use.

Except - they will now HAVE to use this chuppah because it'll be made by all their friends and family. Whether they want to or not. And. Foo.

Edit: M does know about it - he told Jonathan they were going to do what he called an "AIDS quilt" sort of thing, but Jonathan didn't realize it would include us, so he never said. So. Well. And he doesn't think it's so bad, either.


a friend of mine had all her friends who knit or crochet make squares for her huppah. it was nifty keen. andnwo they hav ea really cool throw for thier couch. they descided they were making a new tradition that way... sometimes it is really ncie...

As I said, I expect people to disagree.

I like older traditions myself. Also. Your friend decided to do it herself. This is a "surprise" from the sister.

On the one hand, it's a shame they're not using the "family" chuppah and continuing tradition.

On the other hand, this is also a way of expressing how much their family means to them. A different sort of tradition, if you will, of inclusion, and reaching out to ensure that everyone has that little thrill on the wedding day that says "I helped their wedding to be something special. And they asked me to help!" It's a more modern way of thought, admittedly.

On the gripping hand, I hope at least the fabric they provided wasn't too cutesy in and of itself. That would throw the whole thing right back into the Ugh Corner.

It'll probably be just fine, and you can see what I've edited, so it's not so bad.

Still too cutsey for me, but I have no say in the matter.

Huh. I dislike the surprise aspect of this, as the couple should in no way be forced into using something for their chuppah that they don't want. That said, I've been asked (by the bride) to help with such a personalized chuppah. The family did a wonderful job decorating the squares, and it was lovely.

Turns out I was wrong.

Really wrong - had an argument with my husband about it, too.

I should be glad they're having a chuppah at all.

(no subject) - (Anonymous)   Expand  

The twee-ness depends on how the squares are decorated. I had friends who did it, and fortunately their wedding was small enough and people had enough sense (and it was assembled by the bride's grandmother, if I'm not mistaken, who had taste coming out of her eyeballs) that the final product was lovely. I do agree that the concept itself is dangerously cutesy-poo prone, though.

Of course, that was something the couple decided to do, rather than something someone decided for them.

Note: there will be a great deal of "I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine."

Note: there will be a great deal of "I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine."

No, there won't be. Not from her family.

But it'll be fine, I'm sure.

My husband and I love our friends and family, but we did not for one moment trust their collective aesthetic tastes -- witness some of the wedding gifts we got! -- enough to allow them to determine any major elements of my wedding. (Even the wedding party had fairly free rein in terms of clothing, but then we didn't consider everyone else's clothes to be a major element.) The chuppah-square thing therefore frightens me. Heck, letting someone else plan my shower frightened me, and that was well-nigh unavoidable. ;)

Letting someone else plan how our chuppah was to be constituted would've been entirely outside the pale. But I think there are three issues here: one, that the sister-in-law may be presuming (if the bride and groom don't know about her plans); two, that you'd rather they have the option of using the family tallit (which it was perhaps rude of someone not to have inquired about -- whether the bride, the groom, or the SIL I can't honestly tell); three, that the whole wedding plan is clearly annoying you on too many levels to name and this is only the latest symptom.

Hey, have you considered decorating your square with closely grouped stripes on each end, some sewn-on fringe on the ends parallel to the stripes, and knotted strings on the four corners? Or am I just being all cutesy-poo? ;)

Apparently, I was wrong about the surprise, but that seemed to be implied in the letter.

And, yeah, there are other annoying things, but this - this would bother me no matter what. I really don't like wedding innovations.

Jonathan is going to use photographs of their grandparents.

I agree with you that the traditional tallis, especially as it was owned by the chosson's grandfather, is a much nicer option. Do you think you could suggest it to the s-i-l who sent the swatches around? Or would it start a whole family fight and it's just not worth it?

She's sent the swatches around, complete with return envelope. It will just start a fight, I think. Totally not worth it.

J's sister lives in Florida. I've never met her (and she sent the swatches with a form letter, so she's not exactly trying to be friendly to her sister's future in-laws.)

I went to a wedding where this was done, and found it surprisingly beautiful. I believe the couple later quilted the chuppah, and use it as a quilt in their home now. They are the kind of people who really love making things themselves, so making a quilt of their chuppah made perfect sense for them, I think.

Jonathan davens with our chuppah, so it's not like using it is a bad thing...

I suspect that if it is quilted, it'll be the sister.

Because Zach and I got married in NY, and I had been living in Israel for 8 years by then, and he'd been in Israel a year, we felt it was vital to have our family and friends here in Israel (and those in the US we knew wouldn't be attending) participate in some way.

We sent out 10 inch x 10 inch squares of cloth, along with a small note, asking friends and family to decorate the square with a bracha, a memory or a design of some sort for our chuppah. Zach and his sister then pinned the returned squares as an overhanging trim for the chuppah and we'll eventually get around to framing all the pieces.

It was really beautiful and everyone who participated thought it was a lovely idea and a thoughtful gesture.