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Mama Deb
mamadeb
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My mom's wedding

My mother's wedding plans change weekly. Seriously. And it's driving everyone nuts.

Part of the problem is their budget and the fact that she wants the wedding dinner to be kosher for me and Jonathan - pretty much the only people who will care - my inlaws eat everything but pork and shellfish (and overt meat/milk mixtures) out, and no one else she's likely to invite keeps kosher.

Last night, I told Lenny A. Jonathan and I are willing - *happy* - to help out with the catering if necessary, but if she's sold on a caterer whose level of kashrut is not up to our standards, we'll do the tv dinner thing. If we must. I really don't want to, but it's not worth making her upseet.

Jonathan wants her to get married in Brooklyn, but I'm very much worried that they won't allow mixed dancing and she very much wants that.

So far, they've rejected two kosher places for charging too much and not liking the premises and are currently looking at a Conservative synagogue in Perth Amboy. That part doesn't bother me since we won't be praying there, and I'm not bothered by the female rabbi, either.

They're not likely to have kosher witnesses anyway - and, really, at their age, I'm not so worried about that. I'd prefer it, but I can't drag two friends with me to the wedding. (Unless, I suppose, we pay for their meals completely. Which isn't the worst idea. Except, who would go to a strange place to a witness for a friend's parents for a tv dinner?)

Comments

Congratulations to you mom! :-D And I see that wedding planning doesn't get any easier the second time around or just because you are older.

As for the catering/kosher thing, if you and Jonathan are the only ones couldn't you prepare something at home and bring it with you besides a TV dinner? Or by TV dinner, do you mean exactly what I suggested and not those little pre cooked, frozen dinners in a plastic tray with foil on top? If you prepared something for yourself and Jonathan, the other guests might even be a bit rnvious and wish they could have a bit of what your having :-). As long as you are a better cook than I am and most people are.

"Except, who would go to a strange place to a witness for a friend's parents for a tv dinner?)"

I would. Except I doubt that I would qualify as kosher, but to me it seems like the kind of thing you would do for a friend rather than for a meal. It seems like it wouldn't be a big deal, might be fun, a day that I didn't spend at home looking at the dog, and it would make me happy to be helping someone out. It doesn't really seem like a sacrifice at all. But then I am not a very picky, 'foody' type person, I'm like the anti foody, I don't care what's on the menu when I go somewhere as long as it won't make me sick, so maybe I am missing some really important part.

Bringing my own food to a wedding is amazingly tacky in this sort of situation and would make Mom and Lenny look very, very bad. It would also cast doubts on the caterer in a way that having them bring a frozen airline meal(or, more likely, food from a local kosher caterer) would not. My mother doesn't want it to look like I'm rejecting everything, either. (And, honestly. I *hate* the idea of a treif wedding meal. Starting out married life with a violation? How awful.)

Being a witness at a wedding is...well. They have to sign the ketubah and watch as the groom gives the bride the ring, and guard the door to the yichud room (where the bride and groom disappear for fifteen minutes after the ceremony). To be rewarded for this in an environment where they'd know almost nobody by a substandard meal is not very nice. If they'd even be willing to do this with a female rabbi - oy.

I'm the kind of friend that would do such a thing... except I'm a woman so no use as a witness.

At my orthodox jewish wedding we had to import a minyan from about 20-30 minutes away and I have only met one of our witnesses once since the wedding day (did not know him before that). I think there is a small community in Perth Amboy and maybe 2 guys from there would be willing to be witnesses?

Except, who would go to a strange place to a witness for a friend's parents for a tv dinner?)

I would. N would. It's the sort of thing I'd do for anyone I know would od it for me if I asked.

That's generally my policy on big favors. If I'd be willing to do it for someone else, I'm willing to ask that person to do it for me. Levels of friendship, you know.

I realize the witness issue isn't a big deal for you, but if I were trying to do that I'd look for people local to the site (who thus wouldn't be inconvenienced by travel). Hypothetically speaking (as they wouldn't count me), I would think nothing of being a witness for someone I don't know in my own city, assuming the scheduling worked. For something involving travel, the person asking would have to be a good friend. :-)

Contact the local Chabad. I'm sure that they'd be thrilled to help make your mom's wedding kosher. They can probably give you suggestions about the food situation and find some guys who would attend as a mitzvah. Oy. What a dilemma. I don't envy you.

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Thanks!
Theresa

I am honored that you asked me. Yes, you do have my permission to archive this story.

Thank you so much.

Thanks so much!

I've archived your story here:

http://worldsfinest.comicslash.com/archive/viewuser.php?uid=41

Please note, I set up your account with your email address for reviews to be
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In practical terms all this means is you'd have to tell me to release the
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you'd do that and change your preferences. I'd still be able to upload
stories for you if you write more S/B in the future but you'd get
notification of reviews.

If you ever want to do that, let me know. Otherwise just visit your story from time to time to see your reviews.

Again, thank you. :)

Please release my account, then.

And thank you for your kind review.

Done.

Please let me know if you don't get the system email that prompts you to set up your password, and rememeber to go to "Edit Preferences" under "Account Info" in order to change the default setting to send you alerts for new reviews.

Thanks again!

"Mixed dancing"? What would that be? I understood pretty much everything else, but that's a new one for me. Unless we're talking Bob-Jones-style "mixed"?

"Mixed dancing" = men and women dancing *together*, especially in pairs. You know, what the rest of the world calls, well, "dancing."

Many Orthodox Jews do not touch members of the opposite sex, other than blood relations or spouses. And not always spouses. But we do like to dance at celebrations. So we dance in single-gender circles. It's a lot of fun - at my wedding, for example, many of our guests were either not Jewish or not religious, and they all preferred the circle dancing, which requires no skill at all, just the ability to hold hands and run around vaguely to the music.

However, my mother is not religious and wants to have that first dance with her bridegroom and I wouldn't deny her that.

"Mixed dancing" = men and women dancing *together*

Oh, it's the Orrin Hatch meaning of "mixed dancing". :D

We (Armenians) dance in circles too, sometimes with the sexes separated, but sometimes mixed. I don't know if it was like that in the old country.

It IS a lot of fun though, and the easiest kind of dancing I know. I love watching the faces of non-Armenians at our weddings when they see circle dancing for the first time. Some think it's something out of My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and ham it up painfully; some of them fade into the walls and watch in bemusement; and some of them dive in and have a lot of fun.