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Mama Deb
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December 2010
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Mama Deb [userpic]

I so, so, *SO* wish I was home. My mother-in-law will be doing laundry tomorrow (we don't even want to do laundry during chol hamoed, and will only so we have enough good clothes for Shabbat and Yom Tov), and she thinks we're being ridiculously strict about lights, and she'll handle money and she'll light her candles tomorrow using a new flame. It turns out this is rabbinic, so she'll never worry about it, and I can relax a bit more. Good. But it's still a source of tension.

If I were home, I'd be running around cooking and shopping and being immensely busy, but I will not be knowingly violating or benefiting from violations of yom tov. Honoring one's parents comes *secondary* to following halacha. That's also Torah.

But they will NOT come to us and we have no place to put them even if they would come, and Jonathan wants to come here so long as it's only two days, as opposed to when it abuts Shabbat and therefore is three days. I'd hate to spend Shabbat here, too. We'll be home, Gd willing, next year.

And I like my seders. They're fun - good company, good discussion and nice and relaxed. (Mom *is* a very good cook, so food is not an issue.)


Honoring one's parents comes *secondary* to following halacha. That's also Torah.

Really? We tend to assume the opposite. For instance, we scheduled our seder to start at 5:30 tonight (of course, we actually started at 6:30), because otherwise it's too late for our friend J's mom to attend -- age, illness, drive back to the nursing home, etc.

Obviously we're not very observant, but I wonder how our bending of the rules ranks in the halachic scheme of things. What we were saying to each other is that "the big Ten" rank before the other commandments, so that honoring parents (e.g. by making it possible for her to attend seder at all) is more important than doing it at the correct hour.

the "Big Ten" are known in Orthodoxy as "Aseret Ha-Divrot" - the Ten Statements. While they are, in fact, mitzvos, they're not really bigger than any others just because they're there. However, note the order of the Statements.

Number three on the list is the Sabbath (and by extension, the holidays, who only differ in a couple of ways from the Sabbath). Number five is honoring your parents. This is important, although not telling.

What is important is there is a verse later on that says fear your parents and obey My Laws. No matter how much you love and respect your parents, the Law must be obeyed.

In an Orthodox household, your friend's mother would take a nap in the afternoon and stay overnight (actually, both nights) so that she could partake in the Seder. Given that driving is forbidden, she'd have to do that, anyway.

Or Aseres Hadibros, or for the grammatically nitpicky (like my mother's parshanut teacher at Drisha), Aseret Hadevarim.