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Mama Deb
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Mama Deb [userpic]

What do you do when everyone is squeeing over something that offends you in ways that are distinctly not politically correct? (The political incorrectness is on my part, not the "somethings" part.)

I know. Just don't say anything.

But it's annoying that I don't feel free to express that opinion openly.


I don't know. There are times when it's certainly okay to say I didn't like this thing for the following reasons -- and if you know that the reasons are politically incorrect or non-rational or in some other way difficult to defend with logic, saying so up front can mitigate a lot of the defensiveness people would otherwise bring to that kind of thing. [They'd be bringing it because you'd express your opinion in your own LJ, of course, and not in the comments to someone else's squeeing, for cheerios-pissing reasons well-enumerated by cereta and others. ;-)]

Of course, you run a decent risk of people trying to talk you into liking the thing that you just finished saying you know you have non-PC reasons for disliking.

Trust me, in this case, they won't. I see the objective merits of the thing in question - it *is* actually good and even funny. It's just the general theme of it that offends *me*. It's more I'm feeling extremely alone about it. I get that feeling a lot, and I don't like it.

(And the idea of going to someone else's lj and harshing their bliss over something - no. That's just wrong.).

I've found that if you say up front "This is irrational", or "this is just me and I'm not trying to convince anyone." And aren't a screaming banshee about it you'll not only find that people will nod and understand and have a reasonable conversation but you might find people that agree.

I've actually often been annoyed that I can't express opinions openly, on trivial and non-trivial stuff. I'm kind of curious what's bothering you, or at least why you're describing your feelings as "not politically correct."

Major squeeage over something that's basically an ode to intermarriage.

Please understand - I'm not putting down political correctness. I think it's actually an important thing to be considerate of the feelings of others both as groups and as individuals.

Intermarriage is always a tricky subject. I was actually mashgiaching during a conference on intermarriage that was held in the Hillel building, so I overheard a lot of the conversations.

I guess others find it hard to respect a position that they see as discriminating against others. And a lot of people would see being against intermarriage as being discriminatory against non-Jews. Usually I don't say anything, unless I know the people I'm talking to really well and know that they know my general beliefs.

Now I'm curious as to what this "ode to intermarriage" is...

Well, that was why I wondered, because I know you're not the type of person to call basic respect "political correctness" in a bad way.

And now I understand better. But... meh, I usually don't comment on anyone's squee if it's not my thing.

Once, once someone posted a picture of a character who had been changed in canon in a way I loathed (he became a sexed-up Nazi, actually) and said "Anyone who doesn't think is sexy is crazy." and I just had to comment that I did NOT think it was sexy at all. Then I deleted my comment in shame. And the person edited it to say "Except rosehiptea who loves a different version of him."

And I had been doing so well keeping my complete hatred of this plot change to myself, because people were requesting I write about it, and writing it for me, because they apparently didn't know.

That's pretty different from something you don't like for a true ideological reason, but still... it annoyed me to hear all the squee. Though in the end, yeah, I should have kept my mouth shut in my case.

FWIW, I think it's unlikely that you could actually offend me, unless you said that I was a morally wrong person for squeeing over said thing.

The squeeage isn't wrong in the first place. And I can see why they like the thing - I really do.

It boils down to religious sensibilities. Which I really don't expect others to respect.

What I'm afraid to say is that in the end I couldn't reconcile my religious beliefs with being "politically correct" (in a good way) and that's a large part of why I left. I felt like I had to stay away from a lot of things (anything gay-themed, for example) because it would make me want to accept something I wasn't supposed to, and in the end I couldn't take it anymore.

Sorry, now I'm making this about me, and I don't mean to. I'm just tired after work.

It depends on the community. I'm part of the Modern Orthodox community, where thinking about the point of view of others is very, very important. You were in a different one with different priorities.

Why is it annoying to not be able to express an opinion that is personally insulting to some of your friends?

I'm Catholic, my husband is not. I never thought it mattered much when I was single and dating but was shocked at how very much it does matter in a relationship. I first noticed this at my wedding. My husband was unable to take communion at his own wedding so I elected not to have a full Mass like my brothers had. My husband cannot join in any of the church activities which as a direct consequence limits my own participation. He could not stand up and be part of his child's baptism and will not be able to be buried in the Catholic cemetary. As his wife, that means I will also not be buried there beside my parents, my grandparents, my aunts, and my uncles.

I do not regret my decision to marry my husband, but I never imagined an interfaith marrige would have such a profound effect.

Re the burial issue: I'm surprised at that. I am not Catholic, but my late husband was and he is buried in a Catholic cemetery. There is a space next to him waiting for me eventually, and both the cemetery management and the family priest have assured me that there is no reason I cannot be buried there.

Is this an issue that is up to the discretion of the local archbishop or cardinal? That's the only explanation I can think of, but I'm just a Protestant heretic.

But if you're indeed correct, you're right, that stinks on toast.

Many Catholic cemeteries will permit non-Catholics to be buried beside family members. Ours does not. I almost had to give up the opportunity to be married in my home church because my husband is not Catholic. But since neither of us had been married previously our priest relented. Many such issues are left up to the discretion of the local priest and archbishop. It may be possible that by the time I need to worry about burial arrangements there will be new leadership in the church that is more flexible on this issue.