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Mama Deb
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Mama Deb [userpic]
Other things

1. Looking at my polls last night - I kinda fail at girl. Please understand - I'm good at human, not terrible at adult, and pretty decent at woman. That is, I contribute to the world around me, I try to help people, I'm not in massive debt, I have found ways to deal with the things I can't do myself, I have a good and stable relationship and I have enough basic skills to look decent in public (that last wasn't easy. It took some studying.) It's more...it's hard to put this in words. When is the effort to be concerned with shoes and hair and such worth it? Because there are times they are, but I'm not sure of all of them. And I'm lazy. This is the reason I have long hair that no one sees - long hair is *lower maintenance.* I wash it, I comb it, I put it in a bun and I cover it. If things are at a bad ebb, I might skip the combing. Yeah, um. There's that, too. Too many times, I really don't care when I should. If I had to do more than I do, it would be worse.

2. New shoes. I'm wearing my new ballet flats to get them broken in a little. And it's so strange - I've been wearing mostly black suede hightops for the past few years, varied only by boots, walking shoes and canvas sneakers. I look down and I see grown-up lady feet, and it's weird. Also, I'm not used to not having shoe over my instep. Oh, but they're pretty. Yay for pretty flats.

3. New glasses. Also very pretty - shiny and gold and not-scratched. Not-scratched is amazing! But that's not the strange part. See, I also got sunglasses with just the distance prescription - the main ones are progressives. I love them - inexpensive plastic frames with long, narrow lenses. They do look cool - perfect for sunglasses. Here's where it's strange. The difference between my reading and distance prescriptions is very small still, and I still routinely read without glasses at all. Yet, when I read with my sunglasses on, I found I had to hold the book a tad further away in order to be comfortable.

(I've been hooking the pair I'm not wearing in my shirt if I know I'm going to change more than once. I really don't want to do the eyeglass cord thing with two pairs - how else do people manage two pairs of glasses?)


I fail completely at girl, so don't feel bad. It's funny - I get my nails done every two weeks because my hubby takes me and insists that I get them done (I don't bite them this way, and he finds biting nails to be disgusting. Thus our agreement that I'll go along with it) but other than that, I just don't worry about it.

It's funny, but until I was in my 30s? I don't even think I owned a dress that I had bought. And my mother still calls me before big family things to make sure that I'm wearing something appropriate. More often than not, these days, the answer is yes, but again, that's only due to hubby.

My hubby is better at being a girl than I am! Scary, isn't it?

I get my nails done pre-mikveh because there was a time (before I lost weight) when cutting my toe nails was a bit of a chore. So, instead I get a bit of pampering - but no color. And even now that I can cut them easily, I still like it when I can get them done.

I've always preferred skirts to pants, and stopped wearing pants entirely (other than in the gym) when I got married, but skirts don't make you girly.

I read this book about girls in Crown Heights - members of a Chasidic sect - and the writer describes one as wearing severely tailored skirts and blouses, very short hair and no make-up at all. Yes, exactly - in her culture, she was being very, very butch. Ten or so years ago, I wore a plaid flannel overshirt, a t-shirt, a long denim skirt, high tops and a leather cap for Purim. Biker Dyke from Boro Park. Someone got it, too. Okay, they said "chick", but close enough.

I like pretty print skirts, but I live in plain dark knit ones. I have four black ones, in fact. I'm not going to say my clothes are butch, because they're not and I'm not, but they're not femme, either. They're utilitarian. As nice looking as I can get, but utilitarian.

And I use my husband as fashion consultant, too. He knows what I look good in - sometimes better than I do. One of my rules of thumb - if it makes his eyes pop out, I get it. It's why I own a fake mink coat and an Irish bodice dress, and why I don't own a corset.

I have two cases for my glasses: one for my sunglasses and one for my glasses (which I use mostly for work, but can still see to walk around, drive, etc with them, which is odd. I can also see to drive with my sunglasses, which are not prescription.) Anyway, I keep my sunglasses on top of my head if I don't need them and I don't need my seeing-better-glasses. I keep my seeing-better-glasses in a case in my purse in the meantime. I pop my sunglasses in their case at work and at home. Then again, I am never without a purse.

I carry a purse most of the time - I am *that* girly, at least. Also, in New York, everyone carries a bag of some kind just for convenience.

It's more - I'm riding the bus on a sunny day. I don't need the sunglasses in the bus, but I will when I get out. Meanwhile, I'll need the glasses.

For Shabbat, I'll do what everyone else does - tuck the pair I'm not wearing into my clothing.

(no subject) - (Anonymous)

I've seen pictures of you in pretty clothes, so you don't fail completely.

Me three?

I get my hair cut once every six months at most. I have never in my life had a pedicure or a manicure. I cut my toenails when they start to annoy me. I do not shave or wax "down there". I only shave my underarms because they don't smell as bad if I do. I only bother combing my hair or fixing my part when I go out. I don't wear makeup or perfume. I don't pluck my eyebrows.

icon love.

You do more than I do. My hair hasn't seen a scissors in over a year. As for other hair - well, I don't swim where men can see me, my sleeves reach my elbows and my skirts cover my calves.

I do the manipedi for convenience before ritual baths.

I think part of being a woman is figuring out where you do girl and where you don't. I've never been able to paint my nails, for instance. I'm like a chimp with nail polish, even if somebody's doing it for me. And I don't like the way it feels. And there's few shoes I can wear etc. I can't put my hair up.

But there's other ways I do girlie. Eventually I think women just get what their look is and it works (hopefully). It's like make-up--I know women who don't wear it and look fabulous. Many people have assumed that I never wear it and I do--just obviously not in a way they notice. So you do the things that are right for you and let magazines pretend everybody's the same!

I'm in pain with the new shoes right now. I'm guessing they just need getting used to.

It's easy to put your hair up if it doesn't matter how it looks (I twist it into a bun and wrap a scrunchy around it. It's sloppy but who cares? It's under a scarf.)

It might also depend on coloration. I'm colorful - dark lips, long, dark eyelashes, even some color on my cheeks. Oh, and rosecea and dark circles under my eyes. But I used to be good at makeup.

I, too, fail at girly-girl. I wear no makeup and could not care less about shoes other than the comfortable factor. I depend on beckyfeld to act as my fashion insultant. :-)

Isn't that what sisters are for?

I use Jonathan.

I fail completely at girl, but hey. I'm happy, my boy is happy, who cares what anyone else thinks.

See, that I get. jonbaker thinks I'm beautiful. What more do I need?

I always feel very inferior in these discussion admitting that I love shopping for high-priced make-up that I can't really afford, which while not necessarily "succeeding at girl" is plenty girly.

Then again these days I don't shave my legs and usually wear pants. Whatever.

(When I was married and went to mikvah I found combing long hair a giant pain. It was hard to find a place to get it cut without men around, though, and in some ways I liked it. But when the depression hit me hard I stopped taking care of it at all and that was just nasty.)

Don't feel inferior - there's not better or worse. There's just different. I used to love shopping for purses, and I very much love shopping for hats.

I've heard that sheitl machers cut hair, too.

i'm a girl. *sigh*. i wear makeup and like it, like the way i look in it. i do t-shirt and jeans, but the jeans have to fit right and the t-shirt is usaly not a t shirt at all; it something with a scoop neck or v-neck, with touch of lace, etc. i do wear sneakers all the time, when i'm not wearing boots. but i also twist my hair up so i don't have to mess with it (though i'm getting another perm next week)and because it's *hot*.

on the other hand, i dislike dresses and skirts. my sisters - many of the women in my family - are way more girly than i. they go shopping in packs. it's a big thing the day after thanksgiving. and every spring the women take a weekend trip somewhere. to shop (and eat).my sisters can go to the mall and they'll say "oh this shirt matches that skirt we saw (seven stores and two floors ago)." i can't do that. and i don't want to!

so maybe not such a girl after all?

See, you dress to make yourself feel good about yourself. In my religion, that's all but required - a woman is supposed to feel that she is beautiful.

(And I very much do "this shirt matches those other articles of clothing" because that's just efficient.)

I fail at girl too, and I can't say I mind. Look at how much time I save! No make-up, no frilly clothes or impractical shoes, just comb/brush the long hair (maybe get the split ends trimmed off annually). It does pose the occasional challenge -- since I don't carry a purse I have to find pants with pockets and sometimes that's a little hard. But overall, I don't mind.

Try finding skirts with pockets. That's a job.

There's a reason I carry a purse *and* a waist pouch.

Yeah, I know. I have some skirts with pockets that can accommodate keys, but nothing that can also accommodate wallet, cell phone, etc. I suspect it's impossible, structurally speaking, to make a skirt that can do that and not look really goofy.

What frightens me is that I never think of myself as a girly girl. But I certainly am by standards of hair, or nails- I have short hair, and need a smart cut. I get the nails done every six weeks, because I can't paint my toes myself- it gets on everything, and my feet need the work.

I can and do dress up. But the other half the time?

Yeah, jeans and a tshirt.

I think it's more of a state of mind than anything else.

This is why I have long hair. When I had short hair, I had to get it cut all the time or it just fell into my eyes and was a mess. (And, honestly, it strikes me that covering it would be a real pain unless I wore a crew cut. Which could be cute, but it's not me.)

Glad to see that I'm not alone. I also fail at girl. I've never had a manicure or pedicure. I rarely wear make up because my face still breaks out easily; I think the last time I wore anything more than lip gloss or lipstick was a decade ago, if not longer. I wear my hair short most of the year because it's so much easier to take care of. I only wear dresses or skirts during warm weather because I hate being cold, and most of them are NEFFA dancing skirts and dresses. It beats me if this counts as girly. The list could go on. I guess at this point I'm just used to the situation.

Manicures are fun, even if you don't get painted. You end up feeling very pampered. Also, they do a better job cutting my toe-nails than I do.

But you look fine the way you are - there's no reason for you to change.

One of these days I'll get a no paint manicure. I think I'm more paranoid about getting polish on my harp strings than anything else.

Thanks. Sometimes I guess we all get a little insecure.