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Mama Deb
mamadeb
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Mama Deb [userpic]
Phone calls

My husband and I both have parents in their seventies or over - his father just turned 86. They're all, thank God, in reasonably good health and are all absolutely mentally competent, so we have much to be grateful for. But there are also things to worry about, and phone calls to dread.

We all have lists of phone calls we don't want to get. Close to the top of the list are ones that contain the words "car", "accident" and "hospital." As in, "I'm a nurse at St. Francis Hospital in Poughkeepsie. Your parents were in an accident, and we're keeping them overnight."

My in-laws are, so far as we know, *fine*, but they were still helicoptered to that hospital and so they stayed. Apparently, Dad passed out or fell asleep and ran off the road. No one else, thank God, was involved. My brother-in-law, who happened to be interning in an organic farm this summer, is meeting his wife in Poughkeepsie and going to see them today. We haven't heard from any of them since last night, but that seems to indicate that everything is okay. Presumably, he'll take them back to the city since they can't stay in their country house without a car.

Their car was totalled.

I'm not considering this last to be a bad thing. At all. This is their second accident in three years. However, they're now thinking of getting a car *just* for the country and taking the bus to and from the city. I'm...

Okay, if I had my way, they'd just sell the country house and get it over with.

On the other hand, now may be the time for us to consider buying a car.

(And now I'm also thinking about my mother and Lenny. They're in their midseventies, my mother has done damage to at least one tree, and they *don't* live in NYC. What's going to happen when they can't drive any more?)

Comments

ACK. Glad everything is as okay as it is. You hang in there.

Yike. And likewise Eeep.

I'm glad your in-laws appear to be okay. I wish them all the best in recovering from the various stresses and strains inherent in an accident, even a relatively minor one. And I wish you and Jonathan all the best in dealing with the upset and worry and concern.

Yeek! And I can relate. My mom's just hit seventy, and she's totalled more cars that I want to think about. We're planning on having her come to live with us at some point, but I hadn't really thought about the fact that eventually Mom won't be able to drive anymore, and she'll probably be the last one to notice (or agree).

As I creep closer to retirement, I begin to empathize more and more with elders who resist selling the house and moving (in with their kids/to an assisted living community/wherever). The thought of losing my autonomy is among my greatest dreads, and I can't imagine being happy living in an institution surrounded by strangers my own age. I know it can look like stubbornness, but who *wouldn't* be stubborn about losing their home and indepenence?

The real crime is that this country doesn't support the kind of mass transit, in small towns as well as large, that would allow people some measure of mobility after they're no longer fit to drive.

I agree on both counts. The other day I made my daughter promise me to find a place where I could play video games.

Sending good thoughts your way.

I'm really sorry to hear about this accident. I wish them a refuah sheleimah and you peace of mind.

Keeping you and yours in my thoughts.

You and they are in my thoughts. I'm glad they are doing OK.

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.

Oh, how frightening. I hope they recover quickly -- even "fine" after an accident is often painful.

Yipes! I'm glad they're okay!

*hugs*

I'm so glad they're both physically all right.

I know whereof you speak about driving elders. My 92-year-old grandfather (the one who was at our wedding) had a fender bender at a stop sign a few months ago (he didn't see the car coming uphill from the left) and was ticketed at the scene. He drives 30 miles each way several times a week to visit my grandmother's grave. He'd be devastated if he couldn't do that anymore. :(

When my other grandfather developed Alzheimer's, my uncle finally stopped him from driving by stealing the car's distributor cap. This grandfather, though, is fully compos mentis.

I'm so glad they're okay, but my goodness, what a shock for your husband and for you.

hello! Message from Zach-- the get-together is at 4 p.m. on Saturday at Devora's house, bring milchigs or pareves for about 10. Looking forward to meeting you!