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Mama Deb
mamadeb
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Mama Deb [userpic]
No wig for you

That was a disaster. We tried to do the wig thing tonight. The sheitel *she* was wearing was awful - too long, stiff and her hairline was visible - and it's a visibly different color. I have a very low hairline. And when she started to hard sell, well, jonbaker over-reacted, but he was in the main right. I *know* the halachot of hair covering because I took a course in the matter, and then to have someone telling me that tichels are NOT tziniut because they slip back (yes, they do, and yes, mine do) while here own sheitel was as well...and we don't do hardsells well.

As it happens, I was marshalling my own arguments against it when Jonathan got upset, but the upshot is, no wig. Especially no *ugly* wig. In wigs as much as anything else, you get what you pay for. If I ever decide again to get one (twice I've thought about it, twice something happened to change my mind), I'll spend the money and get a good one - one that, even if it doesn't look natural, at least looks good. I was already starting to doubt this thing - when would I wear it? To the occasional Chasidic wedding, basically.

Instead, we'll get the beds we need, and a new, larger flatscreen monitor. Maybe someday a laptop and the wireless network we'll need. But hair? Not this year.

Comments
(no subject) - (Anonymous)

Yes - you're a professional. If I were a professional, I'd have sheitels as well. There's a thousand good reasons for a woman to prefer wearing wigs. But you'd never wear a bad one.

As it happens, I'm a receptionist in a storefront real estate agency in a very arty part of Brooklyn. My tichels look perfectly in place there, and I think I look good in them.

If my job changes, that might change, too.

(no subject) - (Anonymous)

Lovely. And I have contact dermatitis.

As long as you're covered, wear what makes you and your husband happy.

Last time I was at a sheitel store was in Crown Heights. The woman at the store was quite elderly, and it looked like she had a bright orange dead cat on her head! I think she does Donald Trumps hair, too. I walked in, and immediately she says "Oh honey, you're such a pretty girl. Get that ugly hat off your head!"

I didn't stay very long.

Crown Heights (or, rather, Lubavitch) believes that sheitels are the best hair covering. With that belief, I'm not surprised at what the lady said to you, although it was very rude.

I've had no problems wearing tichelach in Crown Heights *but* I'm visiting relatives there.

I actually have a very good, very expensive sheitel. I wear it to weddings, and sometimes to work. I thought I'd wear it to work all the time (one of the excuses I gave myself for getting such a pricey one) but it's not as comfortable as a scarf (surprise!) and I'm okay with wearing a bandana/scarf with my own hair coming down from it.

And publishing is business casual, and after a few weeks of wearing Sadie (the wig) to work and getting stress headaches, I decided, screw it, and now I wear scarves most of the time, and Sadie on bad hair days.

I think scarves (or hats) with hair coming down is such a pretty look (and I know you studied the matter before you got married - I remember the post.)

Thing of it is that scarves can look fine in a casual situation, with one added benefit over hats - no one expects you to take them off, since they're obviously part of a look.

And since I decided to cover all of my hair, I never have bad hair days. :)

When my 8th-9th grade math teacher got married (and went from Miss Rhein to Mrs. Levin), she wore a sheitl for two days, a curly one that looked rather silly on her, and then switched to hats (beret, usually). Covering was a matter of personal choice, I expect - not all of the Jewish married female teachers covered, although most did, and the principal's wife didn't either.

Having seen you in person, I know how low your hairline is, and ... it would have to be an *outrageously* expensive wig.

But then, I've always hated wigs, on anyone ... and judging by this guide, my gardening headgear is halachically sound. Ticks can be quite motivating.

I think even a semi-custom job would be about four figures, or close to it.

Scarves came before wigs. I love mine.

Good for jonbaker. It doesn't matter what her halachic arguments are -- she's a sheitel lady, not your Rabbi, and you didn't ask her opinion. She had no call to try and pasken for you.

He's feeling bad for yelling at her, but he was in "protect Debbie" mode, and, really, being a rabbi's wife does NOT mean she knows halacha better than someone else. I did study at Drisha (on a fairly low level, but still) for several years.

Which is why I know that "ervah" doesn't start until the normal hairline. I think that full head wigs should cover the hairline just for how it looks, but scarves are a different story.

He is going to email her an apology for the yelling.

You know, she even thought I might be cutting my hair? Hah!

There is nothing that you can put on your head that won't slip if it is determined enough, I'm convinced. :)

Yep. I've figured out ways to keep scarves made of the right material mostly in place, but if I'm active (like at a wedding), I have to retie a couple of times during the evening.

slipping scarves

I've used this method to anchor crocheted hats, and it might work with scarves too: I pin them to my hair using a small decorative pin* near the front. The pin can also be anchored to or in front of a bobby pin stuck in the hair underneath to help keep it from slipping backwards.

*the kind that are meant to be pinned to clothing so the clasp doesn't just slip open

I've figured out the trick to keeping tichels (of almost any material) on my head! I put on a cloth headband (the kind that wraps around from forehead/hairline to nape) and clip it in place. I then tie the tichel on top of the headband. The fabric-on-fabric does not slide back, and as long as the headband stays clipped, all is good. :-)

Ugh, I *hate* when people try to push their product. Especially when it's clear it's inferior.

Sounds like you made the right choice.

I feel like I've lost a friend, but it's actually required that I look good to myself and my husband. An unattractive wig will not do that.

Also, she didn't seem to have the right business ethics. She didn't actually have the wig, she wanted Debbie to pay for it so she could pay her supplier, for the wig sight unseen, thus Debbie would have no choice whether or not to take it. Her "I could add combs here & there, it should work with your hairline", sounded like she wanted to add more necessary accessories to the cost.

It was a very cheap price, but if the wig the woman was wearing was her floor sample, ugh. Long, stringy, and we could see her own reddish hair through the black wig.

She's usually a nice woman, has had a lot of tzuris in her life, has been lost and more or less found herself. But I was very uncomfortable with this, halachically, socially and ethically.


dont go custom. a good semi-custom will fit your hairline, look fabulous, and feel... well, not fabulous, but as ok as a shaitel can get. i wear scarves to work except on days when theres some kind of important thing going on.

I don't know. The scarf in my icon? Is just below my hairline.

Ook, ook.

But even semi-custom goes up into money, doesn't it?



Wow. Yeah, I think scarves are beautiful on you, dear. I wouldn't change that for anything, myself, but I'm a crazy Pagan chick. ;-)

...of course, what's really scary is how much of this I actually DID understand, and/or get from context. ;-D

I obviously have a lot to learn, but it's always fascinating to read your posts. :-)