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Mama Deb
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Mama Deb [userpic]
Trading Spaces

Like a number of people here, I'm a Trading Spaces fan. So.

I recently watched and read the recap of this episode, wherein one of the designers covers the walls of a kitchen with wine labels, and nearly puts in a wine rack. This is bad because the homeowners are religious Protestant pastors who do *not* drink and do not approve of alcohol. The designer could not get it through her head that there are people in this world like that. It took intervention to prevent the wine rack, because their neighbors were just too passive about objecting.

So. I had to wonder. What would happen if, by some chance, they did a kosher kitchen on Trading Spaces. Many kosher kitchens have two ovens and two sinks, and maybe even two cooktops and two fridges, and the storage space to keep the meat and dairy stuff separate. My own only has one range and one sink, but I do have ample storage, which is good. Strict houses have dairy vs. meat counters as well.

But we'll assume a kitchen large enough to film in, which would have appropriate doubling.

Gen does pretty and functional kitchens. She might add additional work space, and she might do things with the cabinet doors.

Doug would get all egoy, but the kitchen would be usable.

Laurie would do stuff with colors.

I have no idea what Edward would do because I don't think we've seen him do a kitchen, but I'd bet pretty and functional.

The very idea of Kia terrifies me.

Frank ask about kosher kitchens and would paint trompe l'oil meat on one side and cheese on the other. He will also give the homeowners artsycraftsy mezuzot.

Vern. Vern would do research on what it means to have a kosher kitchen. He will then come in with subtle and elegant but easily decipherable color coding, and create space for Passover storage.

Hildi. Would completly not care what this "kosher" thing means, and smear pork fat on all available surfaces. And put up Christmas trees as art.


In addition to being tacky, the wine labels were boring. Silly me, when Hildi first mentioned them I pictured a variety of different labels--which might have at least been artistic looking.

The very idea of Kia terrifies me.

But as *interesting* as the decor might be, I'm betting you'd still have a functional kosher kitchen. She strikes me as someone who would be sufficiently curious about someone else's culture to pay attention to the rules.

And I'm sure Hildi would manage to be more offensive than that. Maybe she would have the countertops fashioned out of mummified pork. (Bleah, I just grossed myself out.)

And it would be dark. So very, very dark.


What--Hildi's? Not if she stapled obnoxious flowers on everything.

I was pleasantly surprised with Kia's last night. The bench looked a bit uncomfy, but it was a very attractive room.

The Hildi kitchen

Would have walls and chairs covered in pig leather, floors covered in lacquered oyster shells, and a darling border of swastikas around the top of the walls.

Re: The Hildi kitchen

Funny thing is, that would all be offensive but yet not actually *treif*. Oh. I know. She'd glue bread loaves to the wall, so they couldn't be removed at Passover time.

There's a prohibition about *seeing* bread in one's home...

I watched that, today. curled up in bed with my ruggie and my cat and my kleenex and actually had very similar thoughts -- how very little respect she had for other people, considering this was the space they had to live in. Pushing the limits of personal *taste* on the show is to be expected -- but dissing people's beliefs by de facto ignoring them just leaves me agog.

And beyond that, what about that space was *child* friendly? They spend all their time in that room with *kids* -- and kids scuff black like nobody's business.

The woman is ... ignorant, and rude. I can't believe she makes a living as a designer.

I've often said, there are very few people I'd trust in my home. Vern Yip is one. My auntie, a designer, is another. And the Designer Guys from Canadian HGTV. Anyone else? Hands off my stuff -- because most of the other "designers" I see on television and in media care more about their vision than who their clients are.



My husband's a big fan of Laurie's, although she tends to design rooms which flatter her own hair and skin colouring (as if she's always anticipating herself as a permanent and desirable accessory for her rooms).

I tend to favor Gen, for precisely the reason you mention--kids. Having a two year old of my own, I'm constantly horrified by Hildi and Doug--neither of whom seem to have ever seen a child.

The one kids' room that Hildi designed--in England--was very clever, and seemed very functional--until you noticed that she put the two twin beds on casters. After a minute imagining Nigel skateboarding his bed around the room, I decided this was not such a good idea.

She wasn't trained as a designer. She was trained in finance.

And, yes. A good designer can be innovative and creative while still keeping his clients in mind. Vern is one of those. Frank, for all his kitsch and paint, is another one. I may not like everything he creates, but he clearly cares about what the homeowners want and he's gracious about input.

Also must mention that the husband and I had much giggling imagining Hildi touching pork fat. I suspect that she'd make the homeowners do the smearing.

She just might go as far as multicolor spray painting 'My religious believes are silly!' all over the cabinets and appliances, hang a framed photo of Hitler over the table, buy holocaust lampshades for wall sconces, very cheap prints of the Blond Haired Blue Eyed Jesus and paste them as wall paper over every surface, yank out all but one big cabinet and somehow find a way to remove all but one countertop, replace the refrigerator with a dorm room sized one,and then go and look for *some* way to possibly make it more offensive and not kosher. I think she prides herself on how incredibly destructive, obnoxious and rude she can be, or maybe she is trying to see just what it would take to make a homeowner actually lose it and attack her ass in front of the camera.
Hell, she would probably come in my house and install florescent lighting everywhere, paint the walls all black so it looks more claustrophobic, and put candy dishes filled with strichnine disguised as peppermints everywhere, and then replace all my already tacky but practical Wal Mart furniture with very, extremely fragile, yet tacky as hell, animal print stuff and rabbit skin slip covers would not surprise me at all, just because all of this would have the potential to piss me off incredibly and or make me, my family or my pets sick, and possibly die. She probably laments the loss of lead based paint for interior decorating.
But castors on bed can be a good thing. My kids have antique iron beds that were their grandfather's, and are heavy and hard to take apart, so even on castors, they are hard to move. The exception of course would be bunk beds, that would be such an unbelievably bad idea that I'm sure she would do it or die trying. I think we should let her try it to see if it would kill her.


And may I say again....


Stupid ass whorebitch from hell Laurie...I mean Hildi...I mean Doug...I mean...

Oh fuhq it...I can't stand any of those three....